Shovel, spade, hand grenade

So that everyone can keep up with the Gorkamorka campaign as it rumbles onwards, I have started writing a magazine to publish each week to detail the exploits of the mobs involved in our battles. You can download the first issue of Scrap Nooz here.

I'm still in the midst of writing the second issue after the battles that took place yesterday. There were some truly destructive fights and some nasty permanent injuries (one of Carly's still-unnamed orks took two head wounds and the doc managed to bodge the surgery meaning the unfortunate warrior in question now has a chance to become stupid, frenzied, and is much weaker thanks to the removal of several organs (the doc stated that the patient "never needed them anyways").

Bob's trukk got blown up and now has an annoying squeak which distracts the driver during high speed manoeuvres; Nick's damaged and bodged trukk (which, after the mekboys got their paws on it, moved slower than boys on foot) got blown up again and ended up so beaten up and captured that Nick just ransomed a captured yoof in return for the trukk's harpoon gun and used his saved up teef to buy a replacement buggy. Needless to say the old trukk was chopped up and sold for scrap by the opposing mob (belonging to Tom).

Carly managed to capture Bob's nob (meaning she has so far captured two leaders, who are probably chained up in the same room trying to headbutt each other to pass the time); but Bob actually won the match - his lone warrior being the only model on the board and actually managing to drive off the rest of Carly's mob (consisting of a functional vehicle and at least four orks on foot out of what was left) all on his own.

I played one match against Tom and chose "Da Chase" scenario. My thinking was that my ladz previously tried to steal Carly's mob's scrap as they dug it up in the desert, but that failed, so now they're trying to steal Tom's mob's scrap while it's in transit. Da Chase starts out with both mobs loaded onto their vehicles, the attacker (me) tailing the scrap-laden defenders (Tom). The defender has to either drive off my mob or escape by leaving the far table edge. Each turn there is a "rolling road" phase which simulates the vehicles involved using their gas engines to keep up with one another (basically you move terrain and static models back six inches so you don't run out of table space). However, this is the shortest match I ever played as my over-heating thrusters left my trukk far behind and Tom's uncannily good luck allowed him to thrust all the way off the table by the end of turn two. No one scored any wounding/penetrating hits, got into combat, or even got hurt. In fact, my ladz were probably too far away for their crude insults to be heard by their opponents so Tom's boyz probably didn't even notice my mob chasing them along da skid.

In the post-battle sequence some of my warriors got experience advances and I managed to pull a large amount of scrap out of my mine. Unfortunately there was a collapse in the mine which caused the death of one of my boyz, Gazgul. Death in games of Gorkamorka doesn't actually happen (in favour of serious injuries and the like) that often so I was totally gutted when I saw the dice result come up. However, I now how so many teef that I will be able to buy a trukk or trakk and a spanner to drive it to replace the late Gazgul. Not too bad, only I have to spend real-world money on the models. Eh, I can live with that.

So I lost a boy, but I'm gaining a trakk. I think I'll spend my next income on a scorcher to mount on it and another boy to be the gunner (or a yoof since accuracy isn't a problem with scorchers).